Vulnerability

Vulnerability. Such a universal concept, yet so foreign to most of us. How we view and talk about vulnerability has changed drastically over the past couple of years. Most of our parents grew up in a time where vulnerability was a sign of weakness and something to avoid. They would push through and put on a brave face because that was what was expected.

So much has changed in the landscape of our lives and the role that vulnerability plays for our growth. Vulnerability still makes me shake and cry, it’s uncomfortable and scary. It ignites feelings of fear, insecurity and rejection. As someone who suffers from anxiety, vulnerability has been the toughest hurdle for me to overcome.

I grew up very shy and timid. I was constantly stuck in my own little world and afraid to break out of my shell. Growing up I experienced situations that threw me out of my comfort zone, some by choice and some not by choice. They were situations that broke me, shattered me and made me question myself. Whether it was situations in regards to love or chasing my dreams, I experienced the crushing pain of rejection.

There are still moments when I sit back and ask myself, “Is this all I am ever going to be?” In the face of rejection, we begin to uncover every insecurity and dark feeling that has ever resided within us. It rises to the surface for a reason, because it wants to be seen and heard. I always allow those emotions to be heard, but it is so incredibly important to dismantle the unrealistic story associated with those emotions.

I can clearly feel the emotions that I felt during those situations so many years ago, it never goes away. But what does change is the ability to continue on and be resilient. In each of those moments I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Maybe things did not always go exactly as I had expected, but there were also times when situations blossomed beautifully. I’ve known defeat and I’ve known triumph. Both cannot be felt deeply without knowing the other