Struggle or Triumph
Struggle is a word that has been a constant thought on my mind recently. I've contemplated what struggle means to me today and how it differs to my past definitions of struggle. I think as we develop over time, our definitions or viewpoints of certain words and meanings begin to change. We start to correlate specific moments and emotions to these words. I used to think of struggle as having the lack of financial resources one might need to survive. Even before that, I used to think of struggle as scrambling to stay ahead in my studies. Today struggle has a different meaning to me. Right now I view struggle as the challenging feeling of finding my path in life. I used to embrace this uncomfortable feeling but lately it has taken me on a frightening rollercoaster.
As many wise people would say, you should sit with your discomfort. Really allow yourself to understand where this discomfort stems from and allow yourself to overcome it. I used to be a pro at that, but unfortunately the discomfort and vulnerability has dragged me down a dark road. Sometimes we are given opportunities to prove to ourselves and the universe how badly we truly want something. I've always felt liberated by these moments, until recently it has completely scared me. I realize the fear comes from a place of not knowing and navigating this new path completely alone. I don't know many people that are starting from scratch in their careers so at times I don't really have anyone to ask for guidance. There are plenty of times when I feel like going back to my old ways would just be easier. But that right there is the true test.
If I were to go back then what would I be gaining? Absolutely nothing. And this is where the new struggle holds a valuable lesson. If you truly want this, then you will fight through the unknown and the discomfort. You will allow yourself to morph and change in a positive light so that your dreams are able to be supported. That metamorphosis is not always the beautiful and graceful picture we expect it to be. In fact, it is the complete opposite. The metamorphosis and struggle is an extremely ugly process at times. Then I began to realize that the process has to be raw and real or else it wouldn't be impactful. If it was easy then the change wouldn't be transparent or meaningful.
The reason I bring up struggle at this point especially is because we are currently encountering Mercury in retrograde. Many people might be like, oh hell nooooo Mercury is in retrograde. I was one of those people that feared when the planet Mercury seemed to be traveling backwards causing things to either slow down or go on the fritz. But in reality, Mercury being in retrograde shows us aspects of ourselves that we usually push way, way down and don't want to come face-to-face with. This current Mercury in retrograde is in conjunction with Saturn which basically means that sometimes we need to learn our lessons the hard way. It is really showing us that we MUST sit with our discomfort.
I am still learning each and everyday what it means to follow your dreams. Some days are great and the other days are just plain frightening. I can't turn back though, I have too much riding on this and I made a promise to myself that I would not be like everyone else. I want to release the desire to fit in, because I never will. It's hard to let go of a picture that you painted in your head of what you thought your life should look like. It's time to let go of the ego and allow the soul to flourish. I just need to cut the cord to my old way of thinking and allow struggle to morph into triumph.
Love and Light.